Depressed > Deep Rest

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An Endless Need to Create
Planet Earth is Burning
An Impossibility of Creating
A Search for Meaningfulness.
Two and a half years of working at Greenpeace, is burnout coming, a personal failure? I didn’t make it, I’m giving up.
It’s different from what everyone else is talking about. Everybody’s tired, burnt out, depressed. The vocabulary has narrowed and become completely profane.
Inability to do basic tasks,
Physical paralysis, depressive-anxiety disorder.
The planet is burning.

Breaking up with my girlfriend after seven years.
Moving, looking for a room, I lost my sense of home, security.
Re-finding myself, (failing) to look in the mirror.
Perfect timing for a change of environment, away from the realities of an ordinary day. Working on my project, thinking creatively on different levels. I can add another part to my visual research, to further develop Investigative Practices. (Observing local environments, their problems and detached view of the current state.)
The planet is burning

The climate crisis as a hyper-object that is difficult for an individual to confront. Through one’s immediate surroundings, a particular place, it is perhaps possible to depict or draw attention to the specific impacts of the crisis we are all witnessing on the front line to some degree.

Mustarinda. Absolute silence, indoors and outdoors, in the environment, the forest. Silence fights with the noise inside me. The one that always drowns out everything. It doesn’t even have to scream now, but it does anyway. He needs to be heard, he always starts the conversation, he always has the last word too. I need to get closer to him, we can understand each other and move on together.

Mustarinda is exclusive, I realize my privilege that I can afford to suspend my shattered reality and stay in this place for a whole month.

Omnipresent silence,
Only the crackling of ice can be heard, thanks to the movement of the wind on the branches of the willow tree.
The power of silence in a world full of noise. The ability to hear the silence in the noise of one’s thoughts.
Disturbed only by the ordinary course of life in the house. It makes me know that all is well. Right?
I am trying to record it, to record that still non-existent, and especially unrecognized, silence.
It is more important to experience it. To experience it in a specific moment. It cannot be transferred or taken with you.
I am aware of the uniqueness of this moment. In the crowdedness of lived reality, ordinary reality, the noise of today. If the word privilege has indeed become profane, here it regains its true meaning. I have the great privilege of being able to spend almost a month here in this silence.

What are you going to do there?
Do you have a schedule?
Are you productive?
What will be the result of your residency?

Gradually, I try to glue the broken egg together. Staying still in the silence of the landscape. A nature that must constantly struggle with humans for its preservation. In this place, it struggles very subversively. At first glance with its almost perfect stillness.
I’m gathering material, writing, listening quietly, reading, working on a deep rest project in deep rest. I don’t set goals, I don’t make a masterpiece.
I will try to bring this stillness into my reality.
Even though the rush is catching up with me, job hunting, moving, where, when, who will help me with this? I still want to forget this noise for a while.
The planet is burning